The Way They Were ...

As my sister-in-law’s twin, Gerrie, said at the recent tribute honoring Patty’s life, “It is a rare love story.” She was talking about my brother Bob’s 48-year marriage to Patty, who left us with a huge void in our family on December 20th. On December 29th, a very rainy Sunday afternoon, some 300 people – family, friends, teaching colleagues, students -- gathered in a beautiful setting on Long Island Sound to remember and celebrate someone they clearly admired and loved.

I was honored to be among the several speakers who recalled how Patty touched their own lives in some way. Here’s what I said:

I would spend the night at Patty and Gerrie’s house on Lewis St. in Trumbull, and likewise, Patty stayed over at my house. She had a “crush” on my big brother. When she found out that he and his buddies were going to the New York World’s Fair, she asked me to ask him if we could go along with them. Bob was a junior at William & Mary in Virginia at the time and home for the summer. I had to beg him to take us along. Ultimately he relented. And a good thing, because it was indeed there -- and I swear that I can still see the look on his face when I turned around -- that I saw him fall in love with Patty. And you may not believe this, but I even remember fireworks going off right then. After all, it was the Worlds Fair.

Later that summer I went on vacation with my parents, and Bob and Patty had their first date. She wrote me nearly every day and in one letter she said, “He’s real cool.” And about their date she said -- and I quote, “I wrote you a letter earlier saying it was great, but I’ll tell you again (I don’t mind) it was real real great!!” She also asked me to burn that letter. Obviously I didn’t. I saved them all and I’m so glad I did. Those letters document, in Patty’s own words, their earliest history. I am passing them along to Paige and Elizabeth now.

I’ve watched Bob and Patty as a couple for some 50 years. I have observed her total, unrelenting devotion to her daughters and my brother. They rarely spent a night apart, up until her most recent extended hospital stay, and even then he was with her nearly every moment.

Paige’s husband, Christopher, said something to me at one of our holiday gatherings that really struck a chord. He said, not everyone can have what Bob and Patty have. He was, of course, referring to their loving, supportive relationship. I saw that often. I remember vividly the last time I was with Patty at a get-together at Elizabeth’s house on September 1st of this year, just two days before her AML diagnosis. It was for Bob’s birthday. We were sitting on the couch in the living room chatting about any number of things. Patty’s hand lay gently on Bob’s arm the whole time we sat there.

And the rest is history, as they say. Their strong bond has given them a life of love and joy, two wonderful daughters, and two rambunctious grandsons whom they’ve doted on as well. As I recently told Bob, his love for Patty is beautiful and I realize more than ever that this kind of devotion is the only thing of value on this crazy earth. And that will stay with him forever as will all our individual memories stay with us -- those who loved Patty and had the privilege to share so many wonderful days with her.