In talking about why he founded the Hole in the Wall Gang for children with serious medical conditions, Paul Newman said, “I wanted, I think, to acknowledge Luck; the chance of it, the benevolence of it in my life, and the brutality of it in the lives of others, made especially savage for children because they may not be allowed the good fortune of a lifetime to correct it.”
My family has been very lucky when it comes to health and longevity. So when my brother Bob’s wife, Patty, was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia) this past September 3, it hit us, just like any other family who confronts a serious illness, with a crushing blow. It was discovered through a routine blood test.
I tried to wrap my head around how this could happen so suddenly – no symptoms, no warning. I saw Patty just two days before the doctor called with this news. She was, as always, the picture of health. I searched for insight as I faced reality which was soon followed by thoughts of my own mortality and the fragility of our lives.
Then I read this quote and it began to help me accept and acknowledge that we are all tossed about by the whim of fate:
“To the dumb question ‘Why me?’ the cosmos barely bothers to return the reply: why not?”
Christopher Hitchens, a writer and atheist, said this after learning of his own illness. He died from esophageal cancer a couple of years ago at the age of 62. Writing was what was important to him. His heavy drinking and smoking contributed to his writing, but it also, no doubt, contributed to his death.
What’s important to Patty is teaching, and by all accounts she has been a terrific high school biology teacher since she graduated from UCONN, taking a period of time off to be a full-time mother. I have observed her total, unrelenting devotion to her daughters, Paige and Elizabeth, and my brother. As far as I know, the only night Bob and Patty ever spent apart, up until her most recent extended hospital stay, was when Bob had his appendix out when they lived in Cornwall, NY many years ago with their one-year-old daughter, Paige.
More recently, Paige’s husband, Christopher, said to me: “Not everyone has what Bob and Patty have.” He was referring, of course, to their loving, supportive relationship. I see that now more than ever as my brother spends most of his days by Patty’s side at Stony Brook Hospital, only leaving to do errands around 4 p.m. and coming back soon after that to stay with her until she falls asleep anywhere from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., or later if necessary.
I’ve watched Bob and Patty as a couple for many years. Patty was one of my best friends in high school. She had a “crush” on Bob and asked me to ask him if we could go to the New York World’s Fair with him and his buddies. We were in high school and Bob was a junior in college. I had to beg him to take us along. He finally relented and it was there (and I swear I can still see the look on his face when I turned around) that I saw him fall in love with Patty. I even remember fireworks going off at that moment. It was the World’s Fair after all.
And the rest is history, as they say. Their strong bond has given them a life of love and joy, two wonderful daughters, and two rambunctious grandsons whom they dote on as well. In so many ways, they are very lucky and we are all counting on that luck to stay with us now.
